Learning to be content, over and over again.
My son arrived home from work with a hanging countenance. He could barely look up. Missing the family dinner, he went straight to the stove to cook up an easy meal. His normal animated self was subdued with sadness. I sat across the counter and gently pried. He wasn’t budging. “Did you get fired?” He slowly shook his head side to side and whispered, “Not me.” Then motioning his eyes toward the stairs he suggested it was someone else. Jesse had just left the kitchen and headed up to his room. I let out a sigh. He proceeded to explain the manager’s concerns to me. Apparently, she wanted to share her observations with him. Reasonable, considering Jesse had suffered a traumatic brain injury and she wanted perspective. She stated he required too much help and couldn’t remember where all the inventory needed to be stocked. He couldn’t remember from one day to the next and kept asking for help. She then informed my son to have me call her if I felt it was necessary. Note taken.
It was 2 months ago that Jesse went back to Chik-Fil-A asking if they would hire him back. It wasn’t his first choice but he was ready to be productive again. He was working there during the accident and they kept him on payroll for 6 months before he said he wouldn’t be returning. Finding a job the second year into the injury wasn’t easy. The COVID shutdowns didn’t help. He finally landed a job at Amazon but it was an hour drive each way. Stressful for any normal person. Dreadful for his TBI recovery. We told him God is bigger than a résumé and we were here to help. After only 4 weeks of working there, he left.
The owner of Chik-Fil-A happily re-hired him. She graciously graphed him back into the early morning delivery receiving, inventory stocking job. Same position he had last time. He is up between 4:30 - 5:00 am every morning he works. He loves it. The store is 5 minutes away. He works about 5 hours for each shift and has the rest of the day to himself. Feeling productive, useful, and earning his own money is satisfying after 2 years of recovery at home. He is happy to be working and grateful to be back. As I write this it has been six weeks of happiness and contentment. A nice break from the volatile ups and downs of the last 2 years. Being fired would be a devastating blow. Lord, hasn’t he had enough?
The owner planned on talking to Jesse 2 days after she informed my other son. After only knowing for an hour, I decided to call her. I had no intention to beg her to keep him on, however, I had perspective to offer. Besides, she gave the invitation to call. That was all I needed. I reached her right away. Her claim, Jesse couldn’t remember where anything went and constantly needed help from the kitchen staff. She needed someone who could work independently and not pull others away from their duties. Of course, I understood. Nonetheless, I had a question. “Does he not remember where things go or is it that he is asking too many of the same questions?” She didn’t know. I mentioned that he got a 95% in his Spanish class so it would seem inconsistent if it were a memory issue. It was then I told her about his perseveration, a repetitious state (often in question form) he falls into caused by the TBI. Her response, “Oh! What if I just sat him down and was firm with him telling him what I expected, that I need him to work alone and without help.” Great, give it a shot. I didn’t push, persuade, or plead. I simply asked a question and offered my perspective. She problem solved and I prepared to be a support.
Bracing myself for the next two days I now begged God for extra gentleness and mercy. Eddie prayed. I prayed. I felt ill at the possibility of what the blow of being fired might bring and the emotional nose dive that might ensue. I prepared for the worst but found myself asking questions. Has he not grown so much in the Lord that he might respond well if fired? Do I trust that God will do the work necessary in his heart through all circumstances? Do I believe he, Jesse, can be content no matter what comes his way? Can I be content if he needs to endure another trial that could put him in a tail spin? Why am I worried? These trials wreak havoc on my heart as much as they do his, just in a different way, a mother’s way. Though I am not the one physically injured, it has taken a toll on me emotionally. Yet the trials we have endured over these past 2 years have been far greater than the possibility of this one. A job loss would pail in comparison, though it would still hurt. But God has been faithful in the pain. I trust he will be faithful to complete the good work he began in us. Faithful to use all things for our good to conform us to the image of his son. Can I rest in that?
The following day I found myself reading through Philippians 4. Powerful truth. There are so many great verses in that chapter but reading it in it’s entirety was good for my soul. I poured over the scriptures. For some reason I started near the bottom and read backwards.
4:11-13 I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Have I learned to be content in all circumstances? I have learned a lot. I have learned to be content with the accident and all that it brought about, so has Jesse. Imagine that! A 23 year old young man content with shattered dreams, a TBI, half blind, and looking into a very uncertain future. No doubt the work of God! But can I, can we, say contentment is a reality on a day to day basis? Can I be content, can I trust that Jesse can be content, if the job is lost? Can God do far abundantly beyond in helping us overcome the disappointment of the worst possible scenario? I must say, “Yes!” He is able. And I know it intimately. I have lived through it and learned. But learning never really stops does it? And verse 13 in Philippians chapter 4… “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” We have heard this verse so many times. Tossed around like a promise we can do anything, many misinterpret it. But here in its context it carries the strong promise that he will enable us to be content in whatever our circumstances. Not that we can accomplish whatever we want, but he will strengthen us to be content in the circumstances we find ourselves not wanting to be in. Let that one sink it.
"Not that we can accomplish whatever we want but he will strengthen us to be content in the circumstances we find ourselves not wanting to be in.”
Are you in a situation, a trial, a circumstance, or dare I say, even under a government, that you are not content with? Do you know how to get along with little or in prosperity? Have you learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, of both having abundance and suffering need? What circumstances do you squirm in and try to wiggle your way out of? We have some amount of control over our lives but ultimately we cannot define every situation that comes our way or reconstruct it to look the way we want it to. Surely we try. Nothing wrong with effort and problem solving. Still, how do we respond when our plans don’t turn out the way we imagined? I have to answer all these questions in my own heart. Looking back over the last 2 years I have gained so much perspective on contentment. Am I content? I can give a resounding, “Yes!”. Was it easy? Not at all! It did not come without being learned and still needs to be learned as new trials present themselves. Why can’t we just learn something once and forever be done with that lesson?
Trails are such a challenge. And that can be an understatement. They grate on our hearts and mind and are an unwelcome necessity. They refine and produce an endurance, helping us, albeit uninvited, to push through. The process can be brutal and often reoccurring. A process we need to surrender to so we are not consumed with a restlessness, a discontentment that will eat away at our joy and keep us from learning how to persevere. How many times have we allowed our minds to be ravaged by the circumstances surrounding us allowing our thoughts to be swept away with all the details that are unpleasant and uncomfortable? Too often and so easily done.
So here I am a week later wondering how Jesse is doing at work. His boss told him I spoke to her. I spoke candidly to him about what I said. We discussed tactics and strategies he could use at work to show that he is able and capable to fulfill his duties on his own. According to him, he is doing better. Time will tell what she thinks. Meanwhile I wait, and as Philippians 4:6-7 reminds me, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Yes, the peace of God does surpass all understanding. I know it well. I have been there before, therefore I will rest and be content.
